Ah the agony. Waiting for the decision from the admissions office. It makes everyone edgy - not just you, but also your parents. A lot of applicants I know find managing their parents' anxiety more difficult than managing their own anxiety. So we'll start there. How do you manage your parents' anxiety?

Well, first you accept that you can't manage anyone else's feelings. Can't be done. If your parents are anxious, they are anxious. That's that.

So why a blog about how to manage your parents' anxiety? Because you can do three things that will help you with your parents (and actually help them, since they are mostly anxious because they are worried about you!).

1. Remind yourself that you are not responsible for your parents' feelings. They are. It is part of growing up that you start to understand this distinction. Even if your parents' feelings are about you, you are not responsible. This distinction is a bit tricky, but it's real. So release any anxiety you have because you are making your parents anxious. You aren't anxiety-inducing. Life is.
   
2. Even though you can't do anything about their feelings, you can do something about their behavior in response to those feelings. You can help your parents direct their behavior in ways that support you instead of compound your own anxiety and edginess. In a calm moment, tell them that you really appreciate that they are so concerned about your happiness and well-being AND that the best way for them to show their support of you is to [fill in the blank]. Here are some ideas for filling in the blank: not talk about college admissions at all, but instead talk about all the other things going on in life; instead of looking at you with the "concerned eyes," give you a hug and tell you how much they love you. You get the idea. BE SPECIFIC. And it doesn't hurt to praise them when they do what you've asked. That alone will startle them so much that they will probably leave you alone for a good 24 hours.
   
3. Manage your own feelings and behavior in response to them. You're anxious. You're edgy. That's okay. It is to be expected. But how do you act when you are anxious and edgy? If you snap at everyone, or let loose with some winning sarcasm, or fail to exhibit common courtesies, that's not okay. Worse still is if you medicate those feelings with alcohol, smoking, or drugs. That's not just not okay - that's a death spiral. It's time to grow up and respond constructively to these feelings. Do things that calm you down - work out, listen to music, have some fun with friends.

And the decision is coming. It won't be much longer that you have to be a mature grown-up while feeling like you are about to jump out of your skin. I promise.

Comments or Questions?

Want to vent your anxiety or ask for guidance on how to talk to your parents?  Post your issue, no matter how big or small. We'll respond!

Alison Cooper Chisolm writes the series 52 Weeks to College. She has worked in admissions at Southern Methodist University, the University of Chicago, and most recently Dartmouth College. She is a graduate of Yale College and the University of Virginia Law School. As part of the Ivey Consulting team, Alison works with college applicants and their families as they navigate the college admissions process. Read more about Alison here.