Ivey Files

March 25, 2010

52 Weeks to College - Week 30: I Heard it Through the Grapevine, Now I'm Panicked

by Alison Cooper Chisolm
3/25/2010

The grapevine among college applicants is alive, well, and supercharged thanks to texting, tweeting, and social networks.  And sometimes that grapevine is helpful, but at this phase in the process - the "waiting for official news" phase - it usually isn't.  In fact, it can be toxic, raising your simmering anxiety to full-blown panic because you take one small piece of information and extrapolate from it.  That is a BAD idea.  You don't know enough to extrapolate correctly, so you end up in a panic for no good reason.  That's what was going on for more than one applicant I talked with this week.

One blog reader who emailed us is representative of this phenomenon [I've concealed identities]:

My son and a friend both applied to University X. Neither has gotten an acceptance letter yet. Just recently though, the friend got an email from University X suggesting that he make plans to go to the "accepted students reception." Now my son is panicking - he has not gotten that email. Is it normal for a school to send out an email like that prior to announcing acceptances?

The grapevine had gotten to him.  His friend had received some communication that was positive; he hadn't.  With this small bit of information, the son deduced that the friend was going to be accepted and that he himself wasn't.  BAD DEDUCTION.  As his father suspected, it is not normal for a school to send out invites to an accepted students reception before the acceptance letters are sent. The two most logical explanations for the email were that (1) the email went out by mistake to some segment of the applicants (big oops, University X) or (2) the email was a mean-spirited hoax perpetrated on the friend.  Neither of these explanations suggested anything about whether the son was going to be accepted or not.  It was NOT time to panic.  The most appropriate response here?  "Huh, that's weird." 

Of course, I understand why it was so easy for the son to get caught up in the grapevine.  When you are waiting, you are on high alert and you will take any information you get as a sign of some sort.  But that really isn't a good strategy:  it has no outcome other than additional stress for you.  Think about it.  There is the stress of gathering the information, then there is the stress of trying to interpret the information, and finally there is the stress of holding out hope even though you think you know what is going to happen.  Does any of that stress keep you from feeling disappointment when you get (official) bad news?  No.  And what happens if you were wrong in your interpretation (as you will be a good percentage of the time) and the news is good?  That's a few days spent suffering you won't get back! 

That was certainly true for the son here.  Two days after the father initially emailed us, the son got the official news:  HE WAS ADMITTED!!!

Learn from this story.  Disconnect as much as possible from the grapevine, and when that isn't possible, resist the temptation to interpret.  Respond with, "Huh.  Interesting for you, but irrelevant to me."  Then refer back to Week 29's blog posting for positive ways to manage your anxiety.  The official news will come.

Comments or Questions?

If you need to rid yourself of some grapevine toxin, please leave a comment!   

 

Alison Cooper Chisolm writes the series 52 Weeks to College. She has worked in admissions at Southern Methodist University, the University of Chicago, and most recently Dartmouth College. She is a graduate of Yale College and the University of Virginia Law School. As part of the Ivey Consulting team, Alison works with college applicants and their families as they navigate the college admissions process. Read more about Alison here.